10.24.2013 § Leave a comment
So this call that I just had with the doctor’s office surely boosted my confidence today.
Me: I need to set up an appointment.
Receptionist: Sure. What’s your name?
Me: Nathan Koch
R: Oh, is this for your son?
Me: No, that’s me.
R: Ohh, I’ve never heard Nathan for a girl’s name.
Me (confused and hesitating): Um, I’m a guy.
R: Ohhhhh. I’m sorry. You have such a nice soft voice.
And just so you know, doctor’s receptionist … my voice is appropriately manly and pleasant.
… I think.
09.24.2013 § Leave a comment
Just so you know, typewriter man …
You may be thinking that your actual typewriter circa 1973 is so hipster-ish of you to bring to the coffee shop to write your memoir. But I have something to tell you. When I’m sitting as far across the coffee shop as humanly possible and I am looking around for what the loud clicking noise is only to find out it’s YOU with your typewriter, it’s a little inappropriate.
And I think you know it’s inappropriate too, since you’re blocking out the noise for yourself with headphones that look like they’re big enough that if I were to give you two orange sticks you’d be able to flag in an airplane.
Now I enjoy a good typewriter as much as the next person. But I enjoy it in the privacy of my own home with it sitting decoratively on a refurbished desk …
… just as Nate Berkus and new technology have intended.
Photo disclaimer: I apologize for the blurriness of the picture. Not only did I find it rude to show his face, but I was so far away that my phone could focus on everything BUT him in front of the windows.
06.15.2013 § Leave a comment
Just so you know, hotel housekeeping … I do really appreciate the fact that you’re environmentally friendly and give me the option to reuse my towels instead of just replacing them each day.
Very good of you.
But when one way to let you know I’d like to reuse my towel is to hang it over the shower rod, how about we don’t put the shower curtain less than three inches from the ceiling?
See, I’m not quite that tall, and standing on the toilet to be environmentally friendly is a little awkward. Not that I didn’t do it, but it wasn’t the easiest of things to accomplish when you’re just waking up in the morning.
Also among those tasks that are challenging to accomplish first thing in the morning? Reading a full sentence.
I didn’t realize I could have just hung my towel back on the towel rack instead.
05.03.2013 § Leave a comment
Letter came from my bank this week.
The envelope was labeled with “Important Information.” And I use quotes, because they used quotes.
Is that banking sarcasm? It’s either “important” or it’s not. Don’t play with my emotions by putting it in quotes.
Now, all I’m picture is a group of people at my bank sitting and stuffing envelopes with one person having a stamp with quotes and one having a stamp without quotes. Then they make judgment calls right there and then on what is “Important Information” and what is actually Important Information.
Either that, or someone official actually called it “Important Information” at some point, in which case it should read:
“Important Information” - Bank person
It could even make it on an inspirational poster someday.
“Just a thought.”
04.28.2013 § Leave a comment
Just so you know, Teddy Grahams, I normally do a pretty good job at shopping the perimeter of the grocery store.
But I still find that on nearly every trip in recent memory, a box (or two) of Teddy Grahams has found its way into my cart. Yet, oddly enough, I’ve never really paid attention to the details of the nutrition label. Particularly, serving sizes.
Well, not until today.
Yes, that’s right. I’ve been proudly eating snacks that are explicitly labeled for children under four.
I sort of feel like Nabisco and my grocery store’s rewards card now judge me, and that is upsetting. Well. Not upsetting enough for me to stop eating them. Maybe just one more line of info made for snackers over twenty-five would be nice?
Only a suggestion.
12.31.2012 § Leave a comment
While it wasn’t my favorite movie of all time, I was excited to see the preview and learn that you’ll be broadcasting Burlesque on New Year’s Day!
Though we do need to talk. And it’s serious.
When the preview came on, the voiceover stated that it was the network television premiere event with, and I quote: “Christina Aguilera, Julianne Hough, and Kristen Bell.”
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. No mention of CHER?!!!!
I don’t even have to say anything else. You know this is blasphemous.
You know I’m angry.
But dangit, you know I’ll still be watching.
12.29.2012 § Leave a comment
When I was at my grandpa’s this past week for the holidays, I was flipping through some old photo albums that I found. One not only had pictures of my great great grandpa’s bakery trucks (the family owned “the bakery” in town), but it also had one of my grandpa’s early driver’s licenses.
On the back was a legitimate legal turn signal guide.
Today, my car has a “quick turn” function so that I don’t even have to push down the turn signal lever all the way. All I have to do is tap it up or down to get three quick flashes indicating I’m switching lanes.
This is because pushing down a lever all the way, and then manually pushing it back up is a lot of work.
Thankfully, I don’t have to do this … nor do I have to roll down my window, stick my arm out in the blazing heat or extreme cold, and wave my arm like a crazy person to show what my next move on the road will be.
Though think about rush-hour nowadays and how funny it would be if there were constant arms hanging out of windows flailing for every time you hit the brakes.
Kind of hilarious.