The Opposite of an Appropriate Voicemail.

I have a couple of voicemail etiquette suggestions I’d like to make. These may be a little biased since I’m not a phone talker to begin with, but I think they should be adhered to regardless.

1). Please don’t leave me a message that’s more than 15 to 20 seconds long. I just need to know who called, why they called and then I can call them back. If you’re going to tell me the WHOLE story on the voicemail then at least start by saying, “Here’s comes a story that has everything you need to know, so no need to call me back after you listen. Here it goes …”

If you do end up leaving a two-minute long message don’t end with, “so give me a call back.” It’s poor form. Why call back? I should probably already have everything I need to know. And if/when I’m not too annoyed to call back, please do not repeat EVERYTHING you just said when we do finally chat.

(Mom, you can be the exception to this rule. I’ll always call back)

2). Please don’t leave me a message and then send me an email right after telling me that you called and left me a message. If you think I’ll see the email before I get the voicemail, then maybe just email me to begin with? Otherwise I’m pretty sure I can listen to your message without the written warning.

3). If you’re leaving me a phone number, say it slowly. Don’t speed through it so fast that I’d need to listen 17 times to hear if you’re saying a 4 after the 6 in the middle of an 11-digit number. And if you feel you can fly through the number so fast because we’ve talked so many times, then I probably don’t need you to be leaving your number to begin with. It’s just annoying. And is probably adding on a precious second to your already two-minute long message.

Thank you. And please email or text moving forward.

(P.S., I’m really not this ornery of a person. If you don’t believe me, give me your number and I’ll leave you a lengthy message telling you about how un-ornery I truly am.)

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